David Gowans Coaching and MentoringLife Coach Archives - David Gowans Coaching and Mentoring

How To Stop Worrying About What Other People Think Of You

April 7, 2017 11:11 am Leave a Comment

Everyone wants to be liked and accepted, but many of us spend too much time and energy worrying about what other people think. You might not even realise you’re doing it, but these kinds of thoughts are unhealthy and stressful, making us feel unworthy and removing our attention from the present moment.

Here are four steps to help you stop worrying about what other people think, designed to help you maintain healthier and happier relationships with yourself and others.

Understand why you care.

In order to break the cycle, it’s important to understand where the energy is coming from. We’ve been socialised by a culture that sets norms for our belongingness. From birth, we’re taught we should act a certain way, dress a certain way, buy certain products, and adhere to certain ideologies to be liked and accepted. Social media brings the popularity contest to a whole new level, where how many friends we have, and how much they “like” us, is now publicly broadcast and recorded.

We are stressed and exhausted trying to manage our real and online personas to make sure that people continue to like and accept us. Many of us have spent our whole lives in this cycle, believing that a certain set of actions would bring us acceptance, only to repeatedly find that this is not the case. This is a form of social conditioning that we must now give ourselves permission to release!

Learn this mantra: What Other People Think About Me Is None of My Business!

The root of the problem with caring about what people think about you is that you’re attaching yourself to an outcome that you have absolutely no control over. That’s right, you have NO CONTROL over what people say, do and think about you! You can have the best intentions, or you can do something ridiculous: It doesn’t matter. You do not control the way people will respond, just as they do not control the way you respond to them.

The belief that you have any ownership of or control over people’s opinions about you comes from a place of ego. The reality is that what other people think about you is none of your business! Take a moment and begin to process and accept this perspective. See how the mantra makes you feel, and note the resistance you might feel from your ego. This is normal.

Direct the energy to something positive.

This new perspective frees up an immense amount of time and energy to live in the NOW and experience your authentic flow. It also breaks the cycle of conditioning that if you could only do X, say Y, and buy Z, people would like and accept you. Deep inside we know that true acceptance comes from within. So instead of caring so much if someone might be talking about you behind your back …

Breathe, repeat your mantra, and then direct the excess energy towards something positive, like following your passion and doing what you love! And if you don’t know what you’re passionate about, go and find out! Try a creative new activity, such making art, dancing, playing music, or building something. You’ll be amazed at how happy and free you feel when you spend time doing what you love instead of worrying about what other people think!

Practice daily self-love and acceptance.

When you’re living and creating from a place of genuine love and acceptance, you will know that what other people do, say, and think about you really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. If you don’t like what they have to say about you, you can walk away knowing you are being true to yourself.

A regular, daily practice of self-love and self-acceptance is key for releasing attachment to outcomes and maintaining happy, healthy relationships. For many people, this journey begins with meditation, breath-work, yoga, eating healthy, spending time in nature, and creating art. No matter what you do, make sure to do something that reminds you how much you love yourself every day. As you feel more self-love and self-acceptance, you will attract more of it into your space.

This is a life-long mission, not an instant transformation that happens overnight, so please be kind and forgive yourself if you fall back into the cycle of worrying about what other people think. If you find yourself feeling attached to their opinions of you, just remember that their attitudes are unique and personal to them … and truly none of your business!

Good Vibes.

How to Get your Life Back as a Business Owner

November 30, 2016 12:03 pm Leave a Comment

As a small business owner, do you know how to change your business and get your life back? I’ve seen it way too often, Entrepreneurs working too many hours, trying to do it all themselves and not delegating. Or micro managing because they don’t trust their team to do the task, or instead they’ll just do something themselves as they think it’ll take too long to show someone else.

Then they wonder why they never have enough hours in the week to finish their tasks, and are not happy with their work/life balance. Entrepreneurs often need to start out wearing many hats and make all of the critical decisions in their company. As the company grows and the number of decisions to be made increases, they tend to only let go of those decisions they see as non-critical. This forces their direct reports to continually bring issues and decisions to their boss’s door.

So, if you find yourself in a similar situation then lets look at some simple tips that will free your workload and help to get your life back.

Learn to Delegate more

Probably the most effective method for business owners to reduce their workload is to delegate to their management team. However, this is easier said that done and small business owners find it difficult to let go of the control. If you do not show trust in your employees then you will always be trapped in the business. Learning this, and more importantly having the patience to persevere with it, will have a huge positive impact on the success of your business, and time.

By delegating to your direct reports you will empower your team, which will provide a feeling of value within your team. This is key to retaining good employees and their commitment to your business. It also lets your team know that you trust them and in turn they will be more loyal and more productive.

Everyone needs a little direction in their life, and more so in their work life. Therefore you should set a clear strategy for the business and get buy in from your team and all employees. Holding several strategy workshops with your key employees and getting their input from the outset will make them more committed. Your team will feel valued for being allowed to set the strategy and will take their role a lot more seriously.

Accountability

Once everyone has a clear understanding of the strategy, its time to set clear job responsibilities and objectives for all of your team. Let them know exactly what is expected of them and let them repeat this to you so that it is crystal clear. Making people accountable provides more ownership for the employee, but also adds some healthy pressure, as they know that there can be no excuses. This often results in improved performance with deadlines met. You’re not trying to catch them out, you are trying to help them develop so let them make mistakes and do not interfere too much.

Set KPI’s and monitor these every month with your team. Let your team tell you how they are performing against the KPI’s as it will make them more alert and committed to actually completing the objectives successfully. Be careful to only focus on the high level elements of the business (i.e. the key elements that are critical to the success of the business).

Now that you have delegated most of your actions, make sure that you spend no more than 20% of your time on the day-to-day activities. You should be focusing on the future strategy and growth of your business so that your team always have something to focus on.

Reward those who do the Work

Reward your employees based on results and be generous. Make sure you have a good structure in place so that you reward those who do the work. It’s not all about the money so look at other ways to incentivise your people. Employees are more incentivised by feeling valued and part of the success of the company.

Run the business from the balcony, and be very very vigilant that you do not step back into the business.

The final part to get that work/life balance is to set yourself non-work related objectives with deadlines. Set yourself some goals relating to fitness which will also improve your stress levels, and learn something new or visit somewhere new. Make yourself accountable to someone, perhaps a coach who will keep you focused on achieving these goals. By focusing on targets that are not only work related will automatically give you more ‘life’ balance.

If you are in the majority and complain about long work hours while failing to provide direction and delegate in a reasonable manner, guess who’s the problem? That’s right. YOU are the problem. Your people won’t step up unless you give them clear authority and assure them you don’t expect them to be perfect.

When I built my business, I fell into the same traps as many entrepreneurs and took on too many tasks and found it difficult to allocate time to other parts of my life. Then when I learned these simple methods to get my life back, not only did I enjoy more time and holidays, the business grew very quickly and very successfully (I’m now semi-retired). Nowadays, I often help business owners to get their work/life balance right, so if you’re in this position and would like some help then please do get in touch.

Best wishes and Good Vibes

15 new daily habits to boost your life today

July 1, 2016 9:39 am Leave a Comment

Isn’t it easy to get caught up in the normal old routine and feel trapped in the ‘same old same old’? How many times have you set good intentions to start a new routine, a new diet or exercise plan, and then after (usually a very) short time you go back to your old ways? I know, I have been there many times!

So if you’re determined to make a change in your life now, then read on and incorporate these new habits into your daily routine. Once you have introduced new actions into your daily life they will soon become a habit. Wouldn’t it be great to replace your old habits with positive and productive new habits? Start with a couple at a time until they become regular. No saying “I will try” – get it done as it’s the result that matters!!!

Good Luck and Good Vibes.

1. Wake up early

Ensuring you have a sufficient number of hours of sleep the night before, wake up early and start the day with a positive mind-set. You can achieve so much more earlier in the morning when you don’t have the distractions, and the feeling of satisfaction you get when you’ve completed most of your tasks before other people have even started their day is transforming!

2. Drink water with lemon

Having a glass of water with lemon first thing in the morning helps rid your body of toxins that have been stored overnight. Not only does it aid your digestive tract, it also boosts your metabolism, helping you feel energised sooner. A couple of slices of lemon squeezed into the glass is enough to freshen up your morning.

3. Say out loud the things you’re grateful for

From the law of attraction, being grateful for the things you have will bring more great things to you. So start your day by saying out loud 10 things that you are grateful for in your life. Don’t think too hard about it, you can be grateful for the simple things in life. Just say the first thing that comes to mind and you will soon be comfortable with this new habit. Finish off the routine by saying Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

4. Write down your priorities for the day

We don’t want you to write lists about lists, so keep your to-do list short and focus on the priorities. Stick to no more that a top 10 list as these are priorities after all. I find that writing down an estimated activity time down against each action helps to plan the day better, and also keeps you motivated to get the actions complete. Your sense of achievement increases when you complete the tasks on time, and you can then write a new list of priorities. It really does work wonders!

5. Read your Desires List

First of all you should write down all the things you desire in life. Not just the ‘things’ you want but how you want to be living, where you want to go and who you want to be. Each day you should read out this list and truly feel that you are already living them (this is important). This will work on your subconscious and you will start to attract these things into your life. By reviewing this daily you are focusing on what you really want in life in a positive way, which will result in positive outcomes.

6. Meditate for 10 minutes

Having stillness for only 10 minutes each day will have huge positive impacts on your life. Being in touch with the self will help you to become more mindful and aware of what is actually happening. You can control and decrease unnecessary stress that today’s busy life brings. You will gain more control over your emotions and be able to make better life decisions. We cannot control the thoughts that enter our minds, but we can control how we react to these thoughts, and meditation is a great way to slow down the pace of your life and live at peace.

7. Exercise

Getting up and moving around every day is one of the most essential daily habits you should get into. Not only will it keep you fit and healthy, but it will add time to your life and provide endorphins to make you happy. Yoga is my personal favourite but no matter what you like, just make sure that you build it into your routine. Similar to meditation, exercise calms the mind and breaks down any stress in the body and mind. Joining a health club also has great social benefits and you will feel great meeting new people.

8. Smile

Smiling can make you happy even when you are not. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you are happy, and when you are happy your body sends out feel-good endorphins. Smiling also makes other people happy and brightens up your day without you even realising it. So be conscious of your mood and make an effort to smile throughout the day and especially when you come into contact with people.

9. Talk to people

Our brains are literally created to connect with others. So while it may be great to have some alone time or simply switch to autopilot when going through your daily commute, the truth is that we crave connection. Satisfy your innate desire and the desire of others by reaching out and talking to strangers. A lack of human connection can make you feel depressed, alone and isolated so pick up the phone and make sure you speak to more people every day.

10. Do at least one thing that brings you joy

Do something you love every day of your life. Treat yourself and be good to yourself. Our daily lives are full of things that we often don’t feel like doing, so make sure you take some time for yourself and do something that you love. Be ‘in the moment’ and really appreciate doing this thing. It could be something quick and simple but it will make you feel great.

11. Eat healthy – make it nutritious

Consider, really consider what you are putting into your body. Learn more about nutrition and cut out the foods that do not provide you with nutrition. Many people are over fed but under nourished. Rather than follow new fad diets, just list the sort of things that you will not eat such as processed foods and high sugar content foods. Buy a juicer and make juices every day to get the nutrition your body needs. Cut out fizzy drinks and drink water instead. These small changes will make huge improvements to your wellbeing.

12. Listen to motivational audio

It is easy to fall back into old patterns and get lost in thoughts. Therefore, listening to positive motivational audio helps to bring your thought patterns back to the healthy state you desire. You can listen to audiobooks or even search for some good material on you tube. Just like keeping your body fit, your mind needs constant positive exercise too!

13. Connect with nature

Spending time outdoors in nature is a great way to obtain an improved sense of wellbeing. Researchers have found that regardless of culture people gravitate to images of nature. Our inborn affiliation for nature may explain why we prefer to live in houses with particular views of the natural world.

14. Be of service to someone

Ask yourself each day – ‘Who can I serve today’? Try to make someone’s day, every day—and not only for their benefit. Kindness actually has numerous health benefits. Plus, who doesn’t like helping someone? It puts a smile on everyone’s face!

15. Visualise tomorrow

This should be done at night before bed. By visualising what you want to achieve the next day, you program your subconscious mind which will prepare you for the morning. You will become more effective and more productive because you’re ready and everything is within your reach. It will also help you to spring out of bed motivated and knowing what you want to achieve.

Launch of David Gowans Coaching & Mentoring

May 17, 2016 10:02 am Leave a Comment

It has been two years since I left the company that I created which eventually gave me the status of millionaire at 38. But things have changed now. I no longer crave those material things for satisfaction. I no longer aim to have the status or be ‘the man’. Things have certainly changed. I sold my fancy car and now drive a Volkswagen campervan, I downsized my home and love my new apartment. I sold some and gave away lots more of my ‘things’. This stuff just doesn’t float my boat anymore.

I live a great life. I’ve just spent the last four months in Brazil, escaping the Scottish winter. I have the means to be anywhere in the world when I want, and Brazil was a great choice (more on my experiences on other blogs to come). However, something was missing. After being the leader of a fast growing business and taking it to a successful sale in 2012, I had lost my purpose. My aim was always to grow the business, make lots of money and then travel the world forever. And the last few years I did travel a lot. But something was still missing – my Purpose. I dabbled with new business start-ups, gave some coaching sessions to entrepreneurs and worked on some property projects, but I didn’t commit enough to anything because it didn’t excite my passions within.

The reason for coming to Brazil was two-fold – to escape the dark, wet and windy winter of Scotland, and to truly find my purpose and next step of my life. And it didn’t take long to find it. I dreamt up this website and instantly got excited about the opportunity to pass on my many experiences in business and life that could help other people. It wasn’t about making lots of money anymore, as that didn’t make me any happier. I’m excited because I get the chance to see people achieve things that they never thought possible. They can learn simple new daily habits that will make a big positive difference in their life.

For entrepreneurs, I will offer to design their exit from their business, whether that is a sale in the coming years, or to achieve freedom by empowering the existing team to take over the day to day running. One of my specialities is strategy and creating a detailed plan of what needs to be done to get the business ready for exit.

For employees, I will help to find that passion within you that can perhaps lead you to a new profession, a business start up, or just help to make your job more enjoyable. By changing your perception on work, you can really start to enjoy it more.

Like other coaches, I will of course offer coaching sessions via Skype etc. but the number of clients will be limited. So the aim is to provide free advice, ideas and news via the Blogs. These blogs are based on my three passions of Business, Life and Travel. I already have a number of topics to write about based on some questions that people have sent me so far, and I will continue to write about the things that my community are asking me. So if you want to start making the desired changes in your life and achieve that Success that you’ve always wanted, then sign up for free, get in touch and share your views with me.

Peace and Love.

Tag Archive: Life Coach